Yutaka's Good Day
by fukuji mihoko
Summary: When Miporin falls ill, everything goes to hell for Tooru as she is constantly stalked by an unrestrained Yutaka- who might seriously try to take her home! :crackfic, not to be taken seriously XP:


**Yutaka's Good Day**

* * *

><p>Yutaka hummed a tune to herself as she skipped- yes, <em>skipped<em>- down the street. Her over-exuberance at such an early hour attracted some suspicious stares but Yutaka didn't care! She was so happy! Life was beautiful, love was beautiful- the world was beautiful!

And why was Yutaka so happy?

It was simple.

It was because Miporin had come down with the flu and couldn't come to school!

That might have sounded horribly mean and sadistic, and Yutaka wasn't mean or sadistic- really! She was a nice girl, and she loved Miporin because she was her best friend! However, Miporin was too controlling when it came to Tooru. With the 'Remote Control' out of commission, buried under her duvet with a pile of snotty tissues, it meant Yutaka had a chance to talk and hug and kiss and grope (well maybe not grope, not yet anyway, but soooon!) Tooru for hours and hours!

Kyahhhhh!

Oh, the thought was so adorable Yutaka was getting a little light-headed and dizzy… Uuu…

The floor looked kind of nice at such a close proximity.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, a random, passing businessman was alarmed by the sounds of high pitched squealing. He hung up his cell phone, apologizing swiftly to his wife and saying he simply had to go, before rushing to the scene where the strange noises were coming from.<p>

Maybe somebody was in danger!

…However, he soon realized that wasn't the case.

Instead, there was some weird girl in a sailor suit rolling around on the floor, giggling and making odd high-pitched noises like a car alarm, whilst blood dripped from her nose.

What a freak.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Tooru!" Yutaka greeted enthusiastically, slamming the door of her classroom open with aplomb.<p>

Tooru didn't reply. She barely even acknowledged Yutaka; giving her a brief nod, before turning back to the interesting task of staring at her desk.

That didn't deter Yutaka, though. If anything, Tooru's blatant dismissal of her presence made her feel light-headed, light-hearted; happy! Tooru was sooo coool~~ Nobody could be a meanie-face as well as Tooru could! It was amazing!~

"Guess what, Tooru?" said Yutaka, smiling widely.

Yutaka thought she looked cute when she did that. Nobody- not even Miporin- had the heart to tell her that, instead of 'adorable', that expression made her look like a deranged serial killer who liked harvesting the body parts of small girls (which wasn't actually that far from the truth, given Yutaka's intense love for gardening and her 'interesting', five-fingered, fleshy trees in her back garden… But shh, that was a secret!).

"Miporin isn't here today. She's sick. Isn't that sad?"

"Oh."

Then, a few seconds later, a light seemed to click in Tooru's brain. She froze with horror. Her eyes widened.

"Oh…"

Oh indeed.

Yutaka giggled demonically to herself as she sat down at her desk. She couldn't wait for the lessons to be over today so she could attach herself onto Tooru like a limpet and never let go!~

* * *

><p>"Ooh, Tooru, you're so cute and cuddly and squishy EEE!"<p>

Tooru sighed. It was, as she had discovered, very difficult to eat her lunch whilst Yutaka was latched onto her middle like that.

"Tooru, you're so fluffy and adorable I want to take you home! I seriously want to take you home!"

And the scary thing was, Yutaka could probably manage it to, given Tooru was so short. She was mini-sized, easy to carry; just like a collapsible telescope, a briefcase or a hacked off limb.

Tooru flinched slightly as she felt Yutaka's arms tighten (if such a thing were possible) round her middle.

"Please don't take me home. I have a cat I need to feed."

Innocents would die if Yutaka had her with Tooru.

Yutaka stuck out her tongue in response.

Tooru sighed again.

It was nice feeling wanted, yes, especially as she felt a little out of place amongst Run's older friends- but there was a difference between 'feeling wanted' and having your insides rearranged by a madwoman with a vice-like grip.

This was not a good day for Tooru.

* * *

><p>Yutaka got to hug Tooru for half an hour straight. That's right- a whole HALF HOUR of inhaling the scent of her hair and admiring her lovely, cute, frowny face and AAAA Yutaka was going to die, if she died she'd die happy!<p>

Yutaka could hardly even believed it happened and it wasn't just a dream!~

Yutaka had interesting, Tooru-filled dreams, like the time she murdered Run and had Tooru allll to herself, or the time she stuck her fingers up-

Uuu, but Yutaka was getting a little distracted!

This was the best day of Yutaka's life.

* * *

><p>"Hello, Miporin. I hope you're feeling better."<p>

"A little," said Miho, though her voice was a little nasally. She sniffed. "Thank you for visiting me, Yutaka- and thank you for the soup. It was strangely considerate of you!"

"No problem, Miporin!~ You know how dependable I am!"

"Ha, well… That's debateable."

"Are you going to drink your soup, Miporin? I made it just for youuuu because you're sick. I only want you to recover!~"

_So you can come back to school and take my Tooru away from me! I never realized what I was missing out on- but after half an hour of PURE TOORU TIME I decided some sacrifices have to be made for my immediate happiness._

_Sorry, Miporin. I love you!~_

"Hm… I would be suspicious, usually, but… not even you would be cruel enough to hurt me when I'm sick. Thank you, Yutaka."

Yutaka's smile grew wider and wider as Miporin began to drink the soup.

Miporin wouldn't be intruding on Yutaka's time with Tooru anymore~ From now on, every day would be a great day!~

For Yutaka, life just kept on getting better and better.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Tooru, guess what!~" Yutaka sang as she waltzed (yes, waltzed; Yutaka was past skipping now) into school the next day.<p>

No response.

Kyaaa, it was so awesome when Tooru did that!~~ Yutaka felt her heart flutter in her chest.

Yutaka beamed brightly, pressing her mouth against Tooru's ear.

"Miporin transferred school, fufu~ So she'll never be able to stop me doing this anymore~"

And with that, Yutaka pressed her lips against Tooru's in a bruising kiss.

Tooru promptly fainted.

* * *

><p>Yutaka would later kidnap Tooru and keep her locked up in her basement. Tooru was a lot more fun to play with than those blow up doll things Yutaka had, and none of them looked convincing either!~ Tooru was so cute and adorable, with her tiny body and oversized head and tuft of hair, so cute so cute so cute!~<p>

And so Yutaka lived happily ever after.

Tansan, however, didn't, because he starved to death.

* * *

><p><strong>an: **I kind of see Yutaka like this, actually XD I mean, she's friggin' insane XD But she was one of my favourite characters :3 They could make a whole show based on her. I'd watch it XD

**~renahhchen xoxo**


End file.
